Decentralization of Men

As a woman, it’s difficult for me to be friends with women who place men as the sun in their universe—they centralize men, and it shows through actions of their being. These actions may be getting into relationships and dumping friends and family, withstanding abuse because you ‘love’ someone, always feeling like you have to casually or seriously date someone, not having boundaries while in romantic relationships, shaming other women because they decide to not prioritize romantic relationships and/or attaining motherhood, dressing a certain way (or not dressing a certain way) because of a man, deriving your overall aesthetic from male thoughts, etc.

The decentralization of men is validation of yourself without consideration of the male gaze. The centralization of the male enables the patriarchy and further oppression of women because by placing men as the center of the universe, you deplete yourself of your humanity because you’re no longer catering to yourself as an individual. As we place men at the center of our universe, we downplay our goals, our hobbies, our desires; we even downplay the other relationships in our life. We downplay our friends. We downplay our family. We downplay ourselves (aren’t you important?).

I have since decided that I didn’t want to place my worth as a woman, as a human, to be only as high as the male standing next to me. When I was discussing these ideas with other women, there was criticism because they thought I was saying to hell with all men and to just be alone. They thought that what I am saying to be considered as a complete rejection of love and romance—that is actually quite the opposite of what I mean. Humans naturally crave validation from each other. We are supposed to validate each other through love and community, but to become completely engulfed in phallocentric identities to where you don’t know what realm you belong to is dangerous. Without sole and separate identity, anyone can subjugate you into a category and you unconsciously follow suit. What I really am saying is to reject all love that shrinks you so small to where you can’t be seen without a microscope, and practice purposeful love that enlarges you, instead.